Leave Yourself Clues

Leave Yourself Clues (Godfather and Daniel)

this city has not enough air, Daniel said
in his sprinting breath,
come on, come on,
as he withdrew from the window

i crawled down the escape
from the little apartment i woke in
and he darted in front,
slinking me to the city center

Daniel moved like plates
falling from a cupboard
and from his dragging shirttails
i could tell he was very sick

what can you remember, Daniel asked,
with the big pipes crossing over top us
i couldn’t see the tops of the buildings,
but what can you remember

what could i remember of it?
not the city
but Godfather's massive yellow arms
how he scraped chalk
on the city wall

good, Daniel said,
breath cresting in, what else

i could remember
how Godfather drew an arrow pointing up
and an h, up h
Godfather gestured, up,
up to h
raising his massive yellow arms
even in his big blue city, Godfather's
arms were massive,
made to strike stone to stone and draw
an arrow pointing up, then
the letter h, up h,
Godfather roared, up h!

then Daniel showed me
where Godfather had gone

godfather draws
himself onto acrobat rings
dangled from up above buildings
godfather’s spindle arms straining
i'm going up! godfather
now calls i'm going!

but I remembered Godfather before
slow and deep
an arrow pointing up, then
h. up h. see? up h.

peering into the city center
that is not godfather, Daniel said
more to himself than to me

i remembered then that daniel had witnessed
how Godfather's claws were once so big and bearlike,
his gut swaying like solomon
that he was right
this is not godfather

what do you remember, Daniel asked,
nothing, nothing, I lied
just up
i remember up h

you remember epoch, Daniel said
the city and its wall
it’s called epoch now
he seemed angry with me

i lead Daniel
up h
he and i climbed up through a minaret,
from a window i saw the little godfather
on his rings, his pale
yellow arms still straining

did you ever ask
Daniel asked
more to himself than me
from what those rings are hanging?

i remembered daniel then

the acrobat rings that fell into the city
and daniel who slid down them
and Godfather had known and called
up, and then the letter h,
from up h, he had called
from up h

I remembered daniel’s thin hands sticking into Godfather’s throat
his fingers tight in my throat
but my big blue city hiding me
so thoroughly it hid myself
the little godfather puppet on the rings,
the apartment floor but
could not stop daniel

I roared now
I flipped open the top of the tower
through the trapdoor
and pulled him up h
he was panting now
elbows thrust through the top
and crushing grass,
the grass on all sides stretching out
the door out
I'm going!

Godfather in the city
drawing the arrow and the letter
up h, I had drawn. up h. epoch.

go on then, daniel said,
and I threw daniel down the hole again
with my massive yellow arms
and waited for my name to change
my breath to again grow short